From God /  2021

My alliance with God first became turbulent at the age of eleven, after the passing of my grandmother, Beatriz. 

Before lupus and leukemia, when she could still smoke, Beatriz would hide cigarettes around her house, they would all be her secret stash to keep for when everyone thought she had quitted. In a catholic apostle roman family smoking is not from God.

The Thursday she died I scavenged her house for anything I could hold on to. A silk handkerchief unwrapped itself and the long, skinny Virginia Slim poke its derrière out and sat on my lips. As I took the first puff I felt my grandmother’s pattern of behavior turn into my first sin, I would be a smoker for 15 years after that. 

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